I support the US Constitution. I do, it’s a remarkably well put together document given the antics and characters it emerged from and the antics and characters that have surrounded it since.

On Monday (September the 11th) I was processing paperwork in the departmental office. One of the many pieces of paper that required my signature was a “supplemental information form”, the bottom 2/3s of which was dedicated to relinquishing rights to intellectual property generated in the course of duties for the university. Fine, I always figured if you get paid by society to think then society shouldn’t have to pay again to use your thoughts and hey, you’ve already been paid. The top paragraph however, was a “solemn oath” to “swear (or affirm) to support the Constitution of the United States” and the State of Michigan.

Maybe that isn’t as weird as it sounds on first reading. It wasn’t “pledging allegiance” or anything, just “swearing to support”. Still, I felt a little funny. The United States, much as I love her, ain’t my country. Swearing support for the constitutions of foreign countries isn’t something I do in the normal course of a day. Also, I recall when the same sort of form was handed to me a the University of California, they quickly decided I didn’t have to on account of being a foreign barbarian.

Not in this case however. Instead I was told that if I didn’t just sign the durn thing I wasn’t getting paid, but if I liked I could go ask at the International Center. Feeling a little funny, I did that. They suggested Student Legal Services might know something. Student Legal Services briskly informed me that they weren’t allowed to get into disputes between students and the school (an interesting factoid that, although I wasn’t real comfortable with framing the situation in that light), and maybe I should try the Ombuds Office. In that building over there.

The Ombuds Office took me in hand, and began to phone practically every person in the school to see if they had ever heard of this oath or any requirements surrounding it. No. But when the Ombudsman himself arrived he really took hold of the situation. Here is what he discovered:

The requirement that “elected officers” of the State of Michigan swear an oath to support the constituion was born in 1951 – the McCarthyite period. Unlike other accouterments of McCarthyism, the oath wasn’t curtailed when Joe developed feet of clay, but instead somehow managed to spread. Today all employees of the great state of Michigan are required to make a solemn oath as a condition of employment. Dog catchers and governors and grad researchers alike I suppose. The University Of has adopted the necessity into their official practices guide. There’s no getting around it and no getting over it.

So I signed right there on the table. Hey, I really do support the constitution. Put simply, I don’t really have a problem with it. Put as a solemn and ceremonial oath, I’m not so sure about. But salt that with the necessity of getting paid, and I’ll sign. Now that I think of it, I swore to uphold the state constitution as well. Which, among, other things, requires that dog catchers and governors swear their support to it. I wonder what other wacky things I’ve committed myself to.

So how much do you have to pay me to bend my principles? A tuitition waiver and a stipend will do nicely thanks. How was your September 11?