In the days running up to the US election, I had a tentative plan. If the Democrats won, I was going to sit down and compose a short catalogue of the things I really didn’t like about the US administration. During the election debates and dialogues, few of the things that I felt had done real damage to the US and the world actually became points of discussion. The Bush administration’s attack on civil liberties, the resurgency of secrecy in government, the determined and institutional attacks on fact and science, the ushering of corporate control into the white house, the removal of protections for the environment, the dismissal of democracy, the blending of church and state – none of these were on the agenda for discussion. In the debates, the Kerry campaign came closest to making a real accusation when he scolded the incumbents for abandoning relations with the world, but they backed off making it clear just how true or just how serious that abandonment was, and they backed entirely off saying what plenty of Americans beleive: that the war wasn’t a good idea. They stuck to comments about how it had been run, and said some things about tax cuts. Democrats outside the campaign wasted their energy on Bush’s personal vietnam war record. As if there weren’t real issues.

Caught up in the election, and the nuances of the debates, I started caring about the stupid issues of the day, because it looked like those were going to decide the outcome of the election, and I cared about the election. I could tell that I was becoming disconnected from what really mattered, but I told myself that when it was over, I would actively reassert some perspective.

When the election actually was finished, I didn’t want perspective. I didn’t want to think. So I didn’t.

Now I’m starting to feel it again: that iron rod in the backbone and those coals in the gut that say “I will not pretend, I will not glide past, I will not look away, I will not accept”. I will not accept the expediency of getting over it. I will not “deal with it” and move on. I will stay mindful, and even if I don’t know how to express my anger at the devalueing of this society, or what to do to stop it, I will not pretend that I do not see it and that it doesn’t make me angry.

I do see it and it is wrong and I am angry.